Why body do you hate me?

I swear at times my body is actively working against me. It knows the plan, knows what it has to do but somehow it still decides to follow its own agenda. I had everything so nicely worked out, AF would come, we'd go to the RE for baseline bloods and ultrasound, then start clomid, do the trigger shot, catch that egg and then go happy on holiday for three weeks and come back with a beautiful bfp. Well that's all gone out the window. My body decided it didn't want to release that egg when it was meant to, no, it wanted to wait another week so today I'm only 12dpo and AF isn't due for another 4 days. So this all now means that we won't be doing clomid this cycle as we can't do the follicle tracking from the other side of the world. grrrrr.

SO next cycle will be another attempt at a natural cycle, like we've had so much success with those in the past! Then September will be a break as hubby is going to a conference which was timed around ovulation but now will be perfectly timed for my fertile week. Great. My chances of being pregnant this year are slowly slipping away from me. At times I think I should just give up. Isn't the sign of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome? Well that's what I've been doing month after month. The only problem is, I'm just too stubborn to actually give up, I just can't do it. So I will keep going, keep suffering the heartache cycle after cycle until we reach our end goal.    

AMH

I got my final blood test results today :) These last ones were testing genetics, cystic fibrosis, fragile X, and a few others and my AMH (Anti-Müllerian hormone - testing ovarian reserve) levels. All the genetics have come back fine, which is what I thought they would be anyway as there's no family history of any of these problems but I was concerned about my AMH. When we had our first meeting with the RE, he pretty much implied the problem was likely to be me, I'm not sure if that was just because there's so much more that can go wrong on my end or if its easier for them to fix if it is, or I was just feeling quite sensitive! He went into great depth about what would happen if I had a low ovarian reserve, how we could use the eggs of a younger fertile woman, at this point he was making me feel past my best at the ripe old age of 28!! So I prepared myself for a low result, maybe just slightly below average. Heart pounding I opened the link to my blood result and there it was, AMH, 4.5 ng/mL!! Far from low, in fact its considered on the verge of being high!! Below are the rough limits for low, normal and high AMH.

low reserve <1
normal reserve 2- 3
high reserve 4 - 6  

I feel so proud of my eggs, they showed him, I'm not past my best, in fact my eggs should be good to go for years to come!! I have done some reading on high AMH levels, and mine is in line for mild pcos, showing I ovulate most months but not all. It will also mean that I should respond VERY well to ovulation stimms medication, which will put us at a higher risk of multiples, I could deal with twins but triplets or quads are out of the question!!

In other news, I picked up my Clomid from target on Friday and ordered my Crinone gel from the buck a day pharmacy, I really hope this wasn't a mistake and it arrives and is the correct meds!  

Ov and meds

I ovulated woohoo, and almost on time this cycle, only one day late at cd17! So now that's out the way its time to start getting things ready for next cycle (How pessimistic does that sound?!) I'm actually getting quite excited about our first (and hopefully last!) medicated cycle I have really high hopes for it although pricing everything up it better bloody work first time! Here's a break down of the costs:

Monitoring: $500
IUI: $300 (still not sure if we're going to do this bit or not)
Clomid (100mg) $18
Ovidrel: $115
Crinone: $500

Total: $1443 / $1143 (without IUI)

I know its a lot less then if we were doing injectables or IVF but still that's a lot of money. I have found an online pharmacy (buck a day pharmacy) which will do the Crinone for $206 which is a lot cheaper but not sure how much I trust the site, it does get good reviews and has an active facebook page so may take a gamble and try it although they say it takes 2 -3 weeks for the meds to be delivered so may have to order it soon. I really do miss the NHS, never had to worry about the cost of meds or doctors appointments before, if you needed something you could get it easily, sure they can be a bit slow at times but at least its a lot less stressful!!

SA results

We received hubbys SA results today, I must say, they're not as bad as I was expecting. It seems his little swimmers are a little slow and oddly shaped but overall not too bad. I've ordered some fertilaid for men and motilityboost for men to see if we can get his numbers up a bit before next cycle. Hubby took the news pretty well although he hasn't seen the numbers yet as I didn't want him to get upset that only 3% of his swimmers are a normal shape even if 4% is normal. Looking at his current results though I do think we should go ahead and do an IUI next cycle, if we're spending the money on meds and monitoring anyway its not that much extra to do the IUI.

In other news, I've applied for a new job! It's only a temp type thing and only runs until Christmas but would be great to have some extra money to help cover the fertility costs!

Color Pale Yellow    Viscosity Normal  Normal  Volume 3.6 mL  1.5-5 mL    Concentration (Avg) 41.5 Million/mL  >=15 Million/mL    Motility (Avg) 31 % Progressive  >=40%  Agglutination None  None-Minimal  WBC 0  <5/hpf  Progression 2+  2+ to 3+  pH 8.1  7.2-7.8  RBC 0  0/hpf  Normal Morph 3  >=4% (WHO criteria)  Tapering Heads 0    Amorphous Head 92    Midpiece Defect 5    Macrohead 0    Tail Defect 0    Microhead 0    Immature 0    Interpretation Abnormal: Mild Asthenozoospermia

HSG today

Well it's just over an hour before my HSG and I am so so nervous. I know I have no reason to suspect I have blocked tubes, (well other then not being pregnant!) but the thought of IVF being our only hope to have a baby terrifies me. Nothing I can do about it now though, will just have to wait and see what happens. I just hope its not too painful. That reminds me, must take some painkillers in a bit so they have a chance to kick in before we get there. Hubby also has to prepare his SA sample, he seems quite laid back about it at the moment, he's currently playing computers games which is probably a better use of time then me madly googling HSG scans!

We also got some of my blood test results yesterday, most seem OK but my LH is slightly higher then my FSH (5.22 and 4.4) which could suggest mild PCOS, I guess the large cyst on my ovary suggests that too and my progesterone was only 1.6. I'm holding onto hope that that one was low as I was 15dpo and about to get AF but then something didn't feel right about the last cycle anyway so maybe I didn't ovulate.

I'll post an update when we get back but for now, wish me luck!

Oh good god the HSG hurt!! I was really nervous so that's most likely why but ow!! The good news is both my tubes are clear and my uterus is all normal shaped and healthy woohoo! Bad news is, it does look like I have mild PCOS which sucks but at least its only mild! So now we just have to wait on hubby's SA results, since most of my stuff has come back fine he's sure its all his fault, I want to make him feel better but don't know what to say to him.

I've been given some prescriptions ready for next cycle if we choose to do clomid + timed intercourse or an IUI, so I have clomid (100mg), Ovidrel trigger shot and Crinone, will have to figure out the cheapest way to get these in the next few weeks although still holding out hope we can get a natural bfp this cycle!