Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Back from the RE

So, I've Just got back from the fertility center and from dropping hubby back at work, it was really nice there very relaxing and everyone was really friendly. We saw the RE who went through all the options they have with us (assisted ovulation, assisted ov with iui, ivf, ivf with doner egg/sperm) and said they tend to recommend iui's and ivf as they have the highest success rates.

They then took a million different blood tests, well 15 but that's a lot of blood!! And then did a tv ultrasound, the RE said my uterus looks healthy and so does my left ovary but I have a large simple cyst on my right but he's not too concerned about that. So I now have to phone up when AF starts full flow (am spotting a lot at the moment so should be tomorrow) to book my HSG and HyCosy which most likely will be the end of next week. We'll then have a follow up appointment and hubby has to do a SA for that. And then depending on all the results we will be doing either assisted ov or assisted ov with iui next cycle, so the end of July! We've also been given loads of information to read through a a book called 'the fertile secret' which was written by our RE! So by the sounds of things its all going to start moving along quite quickly, well as quickly as we can afford! 

Oh I should also add, all my phone calls yesterday paid off and we ended up only paying $30!! So the money saved will be going towards tests/treatment!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

A day of madness

When I got up this morning I thought I could have a nice relaxed day in the sun, instead I had a phone call from the fertility center, they've had a cancellation and wanted to know if we could move our appointment to tomorrow!! Of course I said yes!! I then had another phone call from their financial person to say they may be able to get our insurance to cover the cost of the initial consultation but I had to phone my OBGYN to get a referral. So I phoned the OBGYN whose computer system had gone down so the receptionist took my number and said she'd get a nurse to phone back when they were back up and running. After awhile the nurse phone and said she didn't have a clue what the fertility center were on about and there was no way they my insurers would cover the cost but I just repeated what I had been told so she phoned the center herself. That leads me up to about an hour ago when she finally phoned back, she's given the center and my insurers a reference number and also gave it to me but I forgot to ask if this meant we were covered for the consult?? Guess we'll just find out tomorrow, would be a lovely surprise if we are and gives us an extra bit of money to put towards tests/treatments!

Hubby has been back for the last 2 days now, although he seems to have come back a sex pest! Guess that maca really did have an effect on him! Lets hope it also helped his swimmers, although I'll have to be stern with him tonight, no DTD if he has a SA to do tomorrow!

The only problem with this appointment is tomorrow is due to be cd1, I know they say its fine and they'll do the pelvic ultrasound anyway but still, yuck! Guess I have to get used to not having any dignity though this process anyway so might as well start now!  

Friday, June 21, 2013

Only 2 sleeps to go!

Only 2 more sleeps until hubby gets back, yay! The last two weeks really have felt like an eternity and I guess having so much happen during this time hasn't helped! But for now I'm getting the house ready for his return which means I have my ipod playing nice and loud and am running round with the vacuum while singing along. It's a good job no one can see me!

Since we've sorted our appointment and had all the paperwork filled in, I feel like a great weight has been lifted from me. This is no longer just my problem to worry about, we're putting ourselves in the hands of someone who knows what they're doing so I can just relax and do as I'm told. I must say, I haven't felt this relaxed or happy for a long time!

As far as this cycle goes, I'm up to 11dpo today, still a few more days until the dreaded AF is due to make an appearance, and I have no doubt she will make an appearance. I know everyday that goes past brings us one day closer to getting our baby so I will welcome the witch and enjoy a nice glass of wine with her, maybe even a slice of chocolate cake, then I'll send her on her way an prepare for another round of baby making.

For now though I'll continue dancing round the living room like an escapee from a mental institute!

Monday, June 17, 2013

All booked, time to be terrified

It is done, we have our appointment with the RE all booked! At the moment its all set for the 7th of August but we're also on the cancellations list so there's a chance we can get in sooner. The lady on the phone was lovely which is great, I'm sure there will be many phone calls over the coming months, but even better, they have everything online, so we can get test results, check appointments, everything at the click of a button! I don't really know how to feel right now, nervous? Excited? Constipated? I really thought we would never get to this point, and I guess we still have the end of this cycle and next to pull it out of the bag at the last moment.

So now we're all sorted its time to book the car in to see the car doctor, hoping its visit will be a lot cheaper then ours!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

We're going ahead!

It's been quite an emotional few days since my last post. After finding out we would have to fund any testing and treatment ourselves my whole world felt like it was falling apart. But after many long conversations with hubby we've decided to go ahead and book the consultation with the RE. For the bargain price of $300 we get a 90 min consultation including an ultrasound, exam and blood work for me and an SA for hubby so from that I'm hoping they can get a fair idea of what the problem is. So I've filled in the online new patient consultation report form and am just waiting for them to get back to me so we can arrange a date and get the patient pack. Part of me is so excited, we could be pregnant by the end of the year!! But the other part of me is terrified of what they'll find wrong and that we may not be able to afford treatment but I guess we'll have to navigate those hurdles when we get to them.

I have felt very sorry for hubby these past few days, he's been on the receiving end of countless panicked and upset emails, I know he probably feels so helpless being so far away at the moment so is only able to comfort me over email and skype but at least he'll be home in a week so we can deal with all of this together.

On a brighter note, I'm 6dpo today so almost half way through the 2ww! Not feeling too bad so far, up until yesterday I was still getting quite a bit of cramping from the obgyn visit but that seems to have eased off. Also noticed that my estrogen levels most of surged early as from 3 - 5 dpo I was getting tons (and I mean TONS!) of creamy cm and a strong metallic taste in my mouth. I'm not quite sure why but my hormones do seem to have gone into overdrive during the 2ww for the last two cycles, its like they are determined to make me suffer every possible early preg symptom going with the only reward being AF at the end. Stupid body.  

Thursday, June 13, 2013

We're screwed

I got some bad news this morning, our insurance will not cover anything to do with infertility, and I mean nothing. Not even an SA. This sucks. We simply cannot afford to shell out thousands every month for tests and treatment that may or may not work. So what are our options?

1. Give up on ever having kids
2. Wait until we move somewhere where we can get IF treatment (we're moving next year so this may play a large part in deciding where we move to)
3. Pay the $300 consultation fee and see what they have to say
4. Go back to the OBGYN and ask if they can do the initial tests

None of these options are great to be honest. It's a very sucky situation not helped at all by our crappy insurance (what the hell are we paying so much money each month to them for??) I think I'm going to try and get hubby to agree to the consultation, even if we then don't do any follow up tests or treatment at least we'd have a professional opinion of what the problem could be.

At least at the moment I can do a little self diagnosis, thanks to OPKs and BBT charting I'm 99% sure I ov every cycle, ok some times its a bit late but I think I can mostly put that down to travelling or stress, so that's the first major thing, we know there's an egg, my cycles are mostly regular and not overly painful so pretty sure I don't have endo or pcos, so for me that leaves the possibility of blocked tubes or bad lining, both of these I can't really do a lot about. Next cycle I may try castor oil packs again, even if they don't really work they sure were relaxing! I'll also give the red raspberry a try to make sure there's a nice lining waiting in there for any embryo that happens to make it that far. Hubby on the other hand I can't really say much about, without an SA I have no idea how his swimmers are doing. I'm pumping him full of multivits and maca but thats about all I can do. I'm really hoping when he goes to the docs he can do an SA, if not then I'm very tempted to buy one of the at home testing kits, I know they don't give accurate results but should at least tell us if there are any swimmers in there.

I guess for the time being we just carry on as we have been and hope one day the Universe decides to give us a baby.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

OBGYN visit

Just got back from the obgyn and to tell the truth it wasn't as good a visit as I had hoped.  I had thought, since they have a fertility specialist in the staff that we would at least have some initial tests done and actually get the ball rolling but instead they've just given me the phone number of an RE and I've been told to make an appointment with him. Feel kinda deflated, I had built myself up for today but have come away no closer to a baby then when I went in. At least they did a full physical and have said everything looks healthy so that's good, except for the cramps I'm now getting thanks to the pap smear!

I've contacted the fertility clinic with a load of questions, mainly about our insurance as I have no idea what they will cover and if we need a referral so just waiting to hear back from them. If we do need a referral then we'll just have to wait until hubby's doctors appointment on the 1st and then go from there. I guess I wouldn't of wanted to go to the RE without hubby anyway so it'll all work out.

Now that I'm feeling a bit calmer (its taken over an hour to write this post!) I'm starting to feel a bit more positive. The RE is one of the top in the state and luckily his office is only 5 miles away so should be easy to get to and as my gynie told me this morning, if anyone can get you pregnant, it's him.

So for now its back to waiting, guess that's something I need to get used to!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I ovulated!!

Just a quick post this morning, last night I started to get some pains in my left side, around where my ovary is so got to thinking maybe, just maybe it was ov time? Then this morning when I woke up I took my bbt as normal and it was slightly raised from yesterdays (97.37 to 97.67) so far in the run up to ov my highest temp has been 97.44 so if definitely stands out on my chart! This got me quite excited so decided to give the opks one last try and lo and behold it gave me a peak!

So I think I can say, there's a very good chance I ovulated yesterday and am now 1dpo! Woohoo!

Monday, June 10, 2013

To tell or not to tell?

With the looming diagnosis of IF on the horizon I've started to wonder if we should tell family and close friends. On the one hand, if it does turn out that there's something wrong and operations or IVF is needed then the support of our nearest and dearest would be wonderful, but on the other hand, having to explain that we're having problems conceiving and letting everyone into our most intimate times is very daunting. At the moment only a handful of friends know we've been trying to conceive and only three of them know we're starting fertility testing. So far the three I've told have been great and I think they'll be very supportive throughout this journey, I do have some amazing friends!

Of course my other option is pouring my heart out on internet forums. I have been a member of one well known baby forum for the last year, and although there has been some ups and downs overall its been a good experience. But there are a few things that bug me now we've been at this game for awhile. For starters every few weeks there will be a 'how long did it take you to get a bfp' thread which seem to be a magnet for everyone to brag how they got knocked up on the first try, reading through those you feel like some barren freak for not falling by your 3rd month of trying. Then we have the 'I've been trying for 3 months but not pregnant, what's wrong with me?' threads where ladies think that if you don't get pregnant the first time you do it without protection then there must be something wrong with you and start demanding tests and even clomid from their doctors. Although I sympathize with them, we all want it to happen as soon as possible, you have to be realistic, it can take up to a year for a healthy couple and even up to two years for some, so yes it sucks, but trust me it can suck a whole lot more. I have found myself starting to move away from the generic TTC forums and move onto the infertility ones, its quite nice not to be one of the oldies that just hangs around while everyone comes, gets their bfps and leaves again. I can also talk to people in a similar situation and mine the knowledge of ladies who have been through it all.

So I think for the time being we'll keep the 'inner circle' as it is, maybe we'll tell others if the situation changes and we find we need more support but for now I'll make do with the few friends and the anonymous people who live in internet land.    

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Feeling positive

For the last few days I've been feeling really down about our failures to conceive, hubby keeps telling me I put to much pressure on myself, and he's right, I do. Every time we get a bfn or af turns up I feel like I've let him down. The thought of having to get a doctor involved in our baby making quest just makes me feel like a complete failure as a woman. BUT after a lot of soul searching and reading many many blogs, I'm starting to get my head around the thought that this isn't my fault, or hubby's fault for that matter. Mother nature is just a bitch and decided to not make this easy for us. So we need a doctor, there is no shame in asking for help.

So with my new positive outlook I'm going to try and look forward to the doctors. I'm really hoping they find something nice and easy to fix wrong, something that isn't going to cost us a small fortune or be too invasive. I'm probably living in lala land but I can always hope! Whatever happens the next few weeks/months could change our lives forever and that's quite exciting!  

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Stubborn egg

I've just got back from dropping hubby off at the airport, he'll be away for the next two weeks, I'm going to miss him so much! It's been awhile since he's been on a work trip and I haven't gone with him and even longer since we've been apart for two weeks.

So cd17 and as of yet no ov, I'm not really surprised, more annoyed! I have at least got a bit of ewcm now so fingers crossed ov won't be too far away and we may still be in with a chance, no matter how small. I do appear to have a very stubborn egg this month, it must like its follicle far to much to want to venture out.

I must admit I am getting quite nervous for Wednesday, I know they won't really do much at the first appointment but that doesn't stop me being scared!

Friday, June 7, 2013

Come on eggy!

So things aren't looking good for ov today, no ewcm, no second line at all on my opk let alone a positive one and a closed cervix. Body why are you doing this to me?? Hubby goes away for a 2 week work trip tomorrow so unless my body gets its act together and ovs soon then we don't stand a chance this cycle. I really have no idea what's gone wrong, the start of the cycle started out so well and now it just seems to have given up. My longest cycle ever was 36 days so at a guess the latest I'm likely to ov is cd21 which will be next Wednesday, the same day as my drs appointment, oh joy! Blah I hate my body some times, why can't it just work!?! I feel chocolate and iced coffee are going to be needed today, maybe this is my bodies way of punishing me for trying to eat healthily.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Where's my ewcm??

Today I'm on cd15, ov should be tomorrow but I have a bad feeling its going to be delayed. So far this cycle I haven't had any ewcm (the most fertile type of cm) when we started trying a year ago I would have a weeks worth of it so where did it go?? I'm hoping its just hiding away behind my cervix waiting for the spermies but what if its not? Needless to say I will be being liberal with the preseed over the next few days! I did get another 'high' reading on the opks this morning but the lines seem to be getting fainter not stronger, guess we will have to wait and see what the next few days bring

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Approaching Ov

Wow its been a busy few days, we spent the weekend down in NYC, one of my favorite cities in the world! It was a lovely break, a little busy, but in a good way, it has made both of us a little more relaxed which is great!

I started my OPKs on Sunday, so far have had one 'low' and two 'high' days so everything looks like it'll be gearing up for ov on Friday! I've been trying to drink more water, at least 2 liters a day, which seems to be having a good effect on my cm, but I am glad I can do the opks on a morning, there's no way I could hold my pee for long enough if I had to do them on an afternoon!

Hubby has noticed that the maca has had a positive effect for him as far as volume goes, guess we won't know if its helped with quality or quantity yet but feeling hopeful that it has! His appointment letter from the doctors came through today as well, he's feeling slightly more confident about it at the moment but has asked if I can go with him, which of course I will. My appointment is now looming on the horizon and I have a weird mix of nerves and excitement. I'm nervous about what they may say is wrong but excited that we're taking a step towards our long awaited bfp!

So, so far so good this cycle, everything is looking positive so can just sit back, relax and enjoy the run up to ov!