Socks and BBT

So ages ago I told you I was going to have another go at making socks, well finally, here is the finished product!

It has taken slightly longer then expected thanks mainly to me being distracted by other things and going on holiday. Its not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but it fits and is quite comfy! Now I just have to make the second one, hmmmm, fingers crossed I get it done before Christmas!

Its all very quite in our household at the moment, hubby is off at a conference, in an all inclusive resort in Mallorca (its alright for some!) so I'm all on my lonesome. The plan is to use this time productively, tidy the house, get some craft projects done, but in reality I'll most likely spend the two weeks eating junk food and watching all the trashy tv I can!

On the IF front there's not a lot to report, I've decided to try and do my BBT charting using the not so pleasant way, nothing like a cold thermometer up your hoo ha first thing in the morning! Hopefully I'll get a nicer chart this way so we can get an idea of what's going on in there. I'm also now a week into taking Angus castus, no side effects yet but I know it can take a few cycles to get into your system so we'll wait and see!

Well that's about it for now!

xxx

Not posted in awhile...

Hello lovely people in the internetland!

Well its been quite a long time since my last post, mainly because we've been on holiday! A lovely 3 weeks away which included being a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding! We had an amazing time catching up with family and friends and even managed to fit in a trip to the university hubby is hoping to get a job in next year. Coming home wasn't so much fun though, we were greeted by envelopes from our health insurers and the lab that did some of my blood tests. The envelope from the lab contained a bill for $3100!! I was shocked! And the ones from our insurers contained rejections for the payment of the blood tests and my HSG, and a rejection of an appeal to pay for the HSG. Fun fun fun. After lots of phone calls and emails I've found out our fertility center is working on the HSG costs and putting in all the appeals for us so I don't have to worry about that one and finally today we've managed to get the lab bill reduced by 90%!! Woohoo. So now I'm much less stressed out I will return to regular posts I promise! Oh and in case your wondering, I'm on cd5 today, no relaxed, holiday bfp for us

Crinone!

Yay my Crinone has turned up!!! It wasn't a mistake to order off the cheap pharmacy after all! Ok the box is not in English but the instructions it came with are and it all looks correct! Woohoo!!

14dpo today so waiting for af to turn up in a day or so, this really is the worst bit of the cycle, you just know she's going to turn up but there's always that little bit of you that thinks maybe, just maybe she wont, which then makes me stress at every little twitch or niggle. AHHHHHH

To distract myself I've taken up making socks again, I say again, I've only managed one pair in the last year but then it got hot and I lived in flip flops so what was the point in making socks? Any way, so far about half way though the leg of sock number one, was going to make them knee high but think I might get board before then so they may just be ankle socks, will see how I go!

Why body do you hate me?

I swear at times my body is actively working against me. It knows the plan, knows what it has to do but somehow it still decides to follow its own agenda. I had everything so nicely worked out, AF would come, we'd go to the RE for baseline bloods and ultrasound, then start clomid, do the trigger shot, catch that egg and then go happy on holiday for three weeks and come back with a beautiful bfp. Well that's all gone out the window. My body decided it didn't want to release that egg when it was meant to, no, it wanted to wait another week so today I'm only 12dpo and AF isn't due for another 4 days. So this all now means that we won't be doing clomid this cycle as we can't do the follicle tracking from the other side of the world. grrrrr.

SO next cycle will be another attempt at a natural cycle, like we've had so much success with those in the past! Then September will be a break as hubby is going to a conference which was timed around ovulation but now will be perfectly timed for my fertile week. Great. My chances of being pregnant this year are slowly slipping away from me. At times I think I should just give up. Isn't the sign of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome? Well that's what I've been doing month after month. The only problem is, I'm just too stubborn to actually give up, I just can't do it. So I will keep going, keep suffering the heartache cycle after cycle until we reach our end goal.    

AMH

I got my final blood test results today :) These last ones were testing genetics, cystic fibrosis, fragile X, and a few others and my AMH (Anti-Müllerian hormone - testing ovarian reserve) levels. All the genetics have come back fine, which is what I thought they would be anyway as there's no family history of any of these problems but I was concerned about my AMH. When we had our first meeting with the RE, he pretty much implied the problem was likely to be me, I'm not sure if that was just because there's so much more that can go wrong on my end or if its easier for them to fix if it is, or I was just feeling quite sensitive! He went into great depth about what would happen if I had a low ovarian reserve, how we could use the eggs of a younger fertile woman, at this point he was making me feel past my best at the ripe old age of 28!! So I prepared myself for a low result, maybe just slightly below average. Heart pounding I opened the link to my blood result and there it was, AMH, 4.5 ng/mL!! Far from low, in fact its considered on the verge of being high!! Below are the rough limits for low, normal and high AMH.

low reserve <1
normal reserve 2- 3
high reserve 4 - 6  

I feel so proud of my eggs, they showed him, I'm not past my best, in fact my eggs should be good to go for years to come!! I have done some reading on high AMH levels, and mine is in line for mild pcos, showing I ovulate most months but not all. It will also mean that I should respond VERY well to ovulation stimms medication, which will put us at a higher risk of multiples, I could deal with twins but triplets or quads are out of the question!!

In other news, I picked up my Clomid from target on Friday and ordered my Crinone gel from the buck a day pharmacy, I really hope this wasn't a mistake and it arrives and is the correct meds!  

Ov and meds

I ovulated woohoo, and almost on time this cycle, only one day late at cd17! So now that's out the way its time to start getting things ready for next cycle (How pessimistic does that sound?!) I'm actually getting quite excited about our first (and hopefully last!) medicated cycle I have really high hopes for it although pricing everything up it better bloody work first time! Here's a break down of the costs:

Monitoring: $500
IUI: $300 (still not sure if we're going to do this bit or not)
Clomid (100mg) $18
Ovidrel: $115
Crinone: $500

Total: $1443 / $1143 (without IUI)

I know its a lot less then if we were doing injectables or IVF but still that's a lot of money. I have found an online pharmacy (buck a day pharmacy) which will do the Crinone for $206 which is a lot cheaper but not sure how much I trust the site, it does get good reviews and has an active facebook page so may take a gamble and try it although they say it takes 2 -3 weeks for the meds to be delivered so may have to order it soon. I really do miss the NHS, never had to worry about the cost of meds or doctors appointments before, if you needed something you could get it easily, sure they can be a bit slow at times but at least its a lot less stressful!!

SA results

We received hubbys SA results today, I must say, they're not as bad as I was expecting. It seems his little swimmers are a little slow and oddly shaped but overall not too bad. I've ordered some fertilaid for men and motilityboost for men to see if we can get his numbers up a bit before next cycle. Hubby took the news pretty well although he hasn't seen the numbers yet as I didn't want him to get upset that only 3% of his swimmers are a normal shape even if 4% is normal. Looking at his current results though I do think we should go ahead and do an IUI next cycle, if we're spending the money on meds and monitoring anyway its not that much extra to do the IUI.

In other news, I've applied for a new job! It's only a temp type thing and only runs until Christmas but would be great to have some extra money to help cover the fertility costs!

Color Pale Yellow    Viscosity Normal  Normal  Volume 3.6 mL  1.5-5 mL    Concentration (Avg) 41.5 Million/mL  >=15 Million/mL    Motility (Avg) 31 % Progressive  >=40%  Agglutination None  None-Minimal  WBC 0  <5/hpf  Progression 2+  2+ to 3+  pH 8.1  7.2-7.8  RBC 0  0/hpf  Normal Morph 3  >=4% (WHO criteria)  Tapering Heads 0    Amorphous Head 92    Midpiece Defect 5    Macrohead 0    Tail Defect 0    Microhead 0    Immature 0    Interpretation Abnormal: Mild Asthenozoospermia

HSG today

Well it's just over an hour before my HSG and I am so so nervous. I know I have no reason to suspect I have blocked tubes, (well other then not being pregnant!) but the thought of IVF being our only hope to have a baby terrifies me. Nothing I can do about it now though, will just have to wait and see what happens. I just hope its not too painful. That reminds me, must take some painkillers in a bit so they have a chance to kick in before we get there. Hubby also has to prepare his SA sample, he seems quite laid back about it at the moment, he's currently playing computers games which is probably a better use of time then me madly googling HSG scans!

We also got some of my blood test results yesterday, most seem OK but my LH is slightly higher then my FSH (5.22 and 4.4) which could suggest mild PCOS, I guess the large cyst on my ovary suggests that too and my progesterone was only 1.6. I'm holding onto hope that that one was low as I was 15dpo and about to get AF but then something didn't feel right about the last cycle anyway so maybe I didn't ovulate.

I'll post an update when we get back but for now, wish me luck!

Oh good god the HSG hurt!! I was really nervous so that's most likely why but ow!! The good news is both my tubes are clear and my uterus is all normal shaped and healthy woohoo! Bad news is, it does look like I have mild PCOS which sucks but at least its only mild! So now we just have to wait on hubby's SA results, since most of my stuff has come back fine he's sure its all his fault, I want to make him feel better but don't know what to say to him.

I've been given some prescriptions ready for next cycle if we choose to do clomid + timed intercourse or an IUI, so I have clomid (100mg), Ovidrel trigger shot and Crinone, will have to figure out the cheapest way to get these in the next few weeks although still holding out hope we can get a natural bfp this cycle!

Back from the RE

So, I've Just got back from the fertility center and from dropping hubby back at work, it was really nice there very relaxing and everyone was really friendly. We saw the RE who went through all the options they have with us (assisted ovulation, assisted ov with iui, ivf, ivf with doner egg/sperm) and said they tend to recommend iui's and ivf as they have the highest success rates.

They then took a million different blood tests, well 15 but that's a lot of blood!! And then did a tv ultrasound, the RE said my uterus looks healthy and so does my left ovary but I have a large simple cyst on my right but he's not too concerned about that. So I now have to phone up when AF starts full flow (am spotting a lot at the moment so should be tomorrow) to book my HSG and HyCosy which most likely will be the end of next week. We'll then have a follow up appointment and hubby has to do a SA for that. And then depending on all the results we will be doing either assisted ov or assisted ov with iui next cycle, so the end of July! We've also been given loads of information to read through a a book called 'the fertile secret' which was written by our RE! So by the sounds of things its all going to start moving along quite quickly, well as quickly as we can afford! 


Oh I should also add, all my phone calls yesterday paid off and we ended up only paying $30!! So the money saved will be going towards tests/treatment!

A day of madness

When I got up this morning I thought I could have a nice relaxed day in the sun, instead I had a phone call from the fertility center, they've had a cancellation and wanted to know if we could move our appointment to tomorrow!! Of course I said yes!! I then had another phone call from their financial person to say they may be able to get our insurance to cover the cost of the initial consultation but I had to phone my OBGYN to get a referral. So I phoned the OBGYN whose computer system had gone down so the receptionist took my number and said she'd get a nurse to phone back when they were back up and running. After awhile the nurse phone and said she didn't have a clue what the fertility center were on about and there was no way they my insurers would cover the cost but I just repeated what I had been told so she phoned the center herself. That leads me up to about an hour ago when she finally phoned back, she's given the center and my insurers a reference number and also gave it to me but I forgot to ask if this meant we were covered for the consult?? Guess we'll just find out tomorrow, would be a lovely surprise if we are and gives us an extra bit of money to put towards tests/treatments!

Hubby has been back for the last 2 days now, although he seems to have come back a sex pest! Guess that maca really did have an effect on him! Lets hope it also helped his swimmers, although I'll have to be stern with him tonight, no DTD if he has a SA to do tomorrow!

The only problem with this appointment is tomorrow is due to be cd1, I know they say its fine and they'll do the pelvic ultrasound anyway but still, yuck! Guess I have to get used to not having any dignity though this process anyway so might as well start now!  

Only 2 sleeps to go!

Only 2 more sleeps until hubby gets back, yay! The last two weeks really have felt like an eternity and I guess having so much happen during this time hasn't helped! But for now I'm getting the house ready for his return which means I have my ipod playing nice and loud and am running round with the vacuum while singing along. It's a good job no one can see me!

Since we've sorted our appointment and had all the paperwork filled in, I feel like a great weight has been lifted from me. This is no longer just my problem to worry about, we're putting ourselves in the hands of someone who knows what they're doing so I can just relax and do as I'm told. I must say, I haven't felt this relaxed or happy for a long time!

As far as this cycle goes, I'm up to 11dpo today, still a few more days until the dreaded AF is due to make an appearance, and I have no doubt she will make an appearance. I know everyday that goes past brings us one day closer to getting our baby so I will welcome the witch and enjoy a nice glass of wine with her, maybe even a slice of chocolate cake, then I'll send her on her way an prepare for another round of baby making.

For now though I'll continue dancing round the living room like an escapee from a mental institute!

All booked, time to be terrified

It is done, we have our appointment with the RE all booked! At the moment its all set for the 7th of August but we're also on the cancellations list so there's a chance we can get in sooner. The lady on the phone was lovely which is great, I'm sure there will be many phone calls over the coming months, but even better, they have everything online, so we can get test results, check appointments, everything at the click of a button! I don't really know how to feel right now, nervous? Excited? Constipated? I really thought we would never get to this point, and I guess we still have the end of this cycle and next to pull it out of the bag at the last moment.

So now we're all sorted its time to book the car in to see the car doctor, hoping its visit will be a lot cheaper then ours!

We're going ahead!

It's been quite an emotional few days since my last post. After finding out we would have to fund any testing and treatment ourselves my whole world felt like it was falling apart. But after many long conversations with hubby we've decided to go ahead and book the consultation with the RE. For the bargain price of $300 we get a 90 min consultation including an ultrasound, exam and blood work for me and an SA for hubby so from that I'm hoping they can get a fair idea of what the problem is. So I've filled in the online new patient consultation report form and am just waiting for them to get back to me so we can arrange a date and get the patient pack. Part of me is so excited, we could be pregnant by the end of the year!! But the other part of me is terrified of what they'll find wrong and that we may not be able to afford treatment but I guess we'll have to navigate those hurdles when we get to them.

I have felt very sorry for hubby these past few days, he's been on the receiving end of countless panicked and upset emails, I know he probably feels so helpless being so far away at the moment so is only able to comfort me over email and skype but at least he'll be home in a week so we can deal with all of this together.

On a brighter note, I'm 6dpo today so almost half way through the 2ww! Not feeling too bad so far, up until yesterday I was still getting quite a bit of cramping from the obgyn visit but that seems to have eased off. Also noticed that my estrogen levels most of surged early as from 3 - 5 dpo I was getting tons (and I mean TONS!) of creamy cm and a strong metallic taste in my mouth. I'm not quite sure why but my hormones do seem to have gone into overdrive during the 2ww for the last two cycles, its like they are determined to make me suffer every possible early preg symptom going with the only reward being AF at the end. Stupid body.  

We're screwed

I got some bad news this morning, our insurance will not cover anything to do with infertility, and I mean nothing. Not even an SA. This sucks. We simply cannot afford to shell out thousands every month for tests and treatment that may or may not work. So what are our options?

1. Give up on ever having kids
2. Wait until we move somewhere where we can get IF treatment (we're moving next year so this may play a large part in deciding where we move to)
3. Pay the $300 consultation fee and see what they have to say
4. Go back to the OBGYN and ask if they can do the initial tests

None of these options are great to be honest. It's a very sucky situation not helped at all by our crappy insurance (what the hell are we paying so much money each month to them for??) I think I'm going to try and get hubby to agree to the consultation, even if we then don't do any follow up tests or treatment at least we'd have a professional opinion of what the problem could be.

At least at the moment I can do a little self diagnosis, thanks to OPKs and BBT charting I'm 99% sure I ov every cycle, ok some times its a bit late but I think I can mostly put that down to travelling or stress, so that's the first major thing, we know there's an egg, my cycles are mostly regular and not overly painful so pretty sure I don't have endo or pcos, so for me that leaves the possibility of blocked tubes or bad lining, both of these I can't really do a lot about. Next cycle I may try castor oil packs again, even if they don't really work they sure were relaxing! I'll also give the red raspberry a try to make sure there's a nice lining waiting in there for any embryo that happens to make it that far. Hubby on the other hand I can't really say much about, without an SA I have no idea how his swimmers are doing. I'm pumping him full of multivits and maca but thats about all I can do. I'm really hoping when he goes to the docs he can do an SA, if not then I'm very tempted to buy one of the at home testing kits, I know they don't give accurate results but should at least tell us if there are any swimmers in there.

I guess for the time being we just carry on as we have been and hope one day the Universe decides to give us a baby.

OBGYN visit

Just got back from the obgyn and to tell the truth it wasn't as good a visit as I had hoped.  I had thought, since they have a fertility specialist in the staff that we would at least have some initial tests done and actually get the ball rolling but instead they've just given me the phone number of an RE and I've been told to make an appointment with him. Feel kinda deflated, I had built myself up for today but have come away no closer to a baby then when I went in. At least they did a full physical and have said everything looks healthy so that's good, except for the cramps I'm now getting thanks to the pap smear!

I've contacted the fertility clinic with a load of questions, mainly about our insurance as I have no idea what they will cover and if we need a referral so just waiting to hear back from them. If we do need a referral then we'll just have to wait until hubby's doctors appointment on the 1st and then go from there. I guess I wouldn't of wanted to go to the RE without hubby anyway so it'll all work out.

Now that I'm feeling a bit calmer (its taken over an hour to write this post!) I'm starting to feel a bit more positive. The RE is one of the top in the state and luckily his office is only 5 miles away so should be easy to get to and as my gynie told me this morning, if anyone can get you pregnant, it's him.

So for now its back to waiting, guess that's something I need to get used to!

I ovulated!!

Just a quick post this morning, last night I started to get some pains in my left side, around where my ovary is so got to thinking maybe, just maybe it was ov time? Then this morning when I woke up I took my bbt as normal and it was slightly raised from yesterdays (97.37 to 97.67) so far in the run up to ov my highest temp has been 97.44 so if definitely stands out on my chart! This got me quite excited so decided to give the opks one last try and lo and behold it gave me a peak!

So I think I can say, there's a very good chance I ovulated yesterday and am now 1dpo! Woohoo!

To tell or not to tell?

With the looming diagnosis of IF on the horizon I've started to wonder if we should tell family and close friends. On the one hand, if it does turn out that there's something wrong and operations or IVF is needed then the support of our nearest and dearest would be wonderful, but on the other hand, having to explain that we're having problems conceiving and letting everyone into our most intimate times is very daunting. At the moment only a handful of friends know we've been trying to conceive and only three of them know we're starting fertility testing. So far the three I've told have been great and I think they'll be very supportive throughout this journey, I do have some amazing friends!

Of course my other option is pouring my heart out on internet forums. I have been a member of one well known baby forum for the last year, and although there has been some ups and downs overall its been a good experience. But there are a few things that bug me now we've been at this game for awhile. For starters every few weeks there will be a 'how long did it take you to get a bfp' thread which seem to be a magnet for everyone to brag how they got knocked up on the first try, reading through those you feel like some barren freak for not falling by your 3rd month of trying. Then we have the 'I've been trying for 3 months but not pregnant, what's wrong with me?' threads where ladies think that if you don't get pregnant the first time you do it without protection then there must be something wrong with you and start demanding tests and even clomid from their doctors. Although I sympathize with them, we all want it to happen as soon as possible, you have to be realistic, it can take up to a year for a healthy couple and even up to two years for some, so yes it sucks, but trust me it can suck a whole lot more. I have found myself starting to move away from the generic TTC forums and move onto the infertility ones, its quite nice not to be one of the oldies that just hangs around while everyone comes, gets their bfps and leaves again. I can also talk to people in a similar situation and mine the knowledge of ladies who have been through it all.

So I think for the time being we'll keep the 'inner circle' as it is, maybe we'll tell others if the situation changes and we find we need more support but for now I'll make do with the few friends and the anonymous people who live in internet land.    

Feeling positive

For the last few days I've been feeling really down about our failures to conceive, hubby keeps telling me I put to much pressure on myself, and he's right, I do. Every time we get a bfn or af turns up I feel like I've let him down. The thought of having to get a doctor involved in our baby making quest just makes me feel like a complete failure as a woman. BUT after a lot of soul searching and reading many many blogs, I'm starting to get my head around the thought that this isn't my fault, or hubby's fault for that matter. Mother nature is just a bitch and decided to not make this easy for us. So we need a doctor, there is no shame in asking for help.

So with my new positive outlook I'm going to try and look forward to the doctors. I'm really hoping they find something nice and easy to fix wrong, something that isn't going to cost us a small fortune or be too invasive. I'm probably living in lala land but I can always hope! Whatever happens the next few weeks/months could change our lives forever and that's quite exciting!  

Stubborn egg

I've just got back from dropping hubby off at the airport, he'll be away for the next two weeks, I'm going to miss him so much! It's been awhile since he's been on a work trip and I haven't gone with him and even longer since we've been apart for two weeks.

So cd17 and as of yet no ov, I'm not really surprised, more annoyed! I have at least got a bit of ewcm now so fingers crossed ov won't be too far away and we may still be in with a chance, no matter how small. I do appear to have a very stubborn egg this month, it must like its follicle far to much to want to venture out.

I must admit I am getting quite nervous for Wednesday, I know they won't really do much at the first appointment but that doesn't stop me being scared!

Come on eggy!

So things aren't looking good for ov today, no ewcm, no second line at all on my opk let alone a positive one and a closed cervix. Body why are you doing this to me?? Hubby goes away for a 2 week work trip tomorrow so unless my body gets its act together and ovs soon then we don't stand a chance this cycle. I really have no idea what's gone wrong, the start of the cycle started out so well and now it just seems to have given up. My longest cycle ever was 36 days so at a guess the latest I'm likely to ov is cd21 which will be next Wednesday, the same day as my drs appointment, oh joy! Blah I hate my body some times, why can't it just work!?! I feel chocolate and iced coffee are going to be needed today, maybe this is my bodies way of punishing me for trying to eat healthily.

Where's my ewcm??

Today I'm on cd15, ov should be tomorrow but I have a bad feeling its going to be delayed. So far this cycle I haven't had any ewcm (the most fertile type of cm) when we started trying a year ago I would have a weeks worth of it so where did it go?? I'm hoping its just hiding away behind my cervix waiting for the spermies but what if its not? Needless to say I will be being liberal with the preseed over the next few days! I did get another 'high' reading on the opks this morning but the lines seem to be getting fainter not stronger, guess we will have to wait and see what the next few days bring

Approaching Ov

Wow its been a busy few days, we spent the weekend down in NYC, one of my favorite cities in the world! It was a lovely break, a little busy, but in a good way, it has made both of us a little more relaxed which is great!

I started my OPKs on Sunday, so far have had one 'low' and two 'high' days so everything looks like it'll be gearing up for ov on Friday! I've been trying to drink more water, at least 2 liters a day, which seems to be having a good effect on my cm, but I am glad I can do the opks on a morning, there's no way I could hold my pee for long enough if I had to do them on an afternoon!

Hubby has noticed that the maca has had a positive effect for him as far as volume goes, guess we won't know if its helped with quality or quantity yet but feeling hopeful that it has! His appointment letter from the doctors came through today as well, he's feeling slightly more confident about it at the moment but has asked if I can go with him, which of course I will. My appointment is now looming on the horizon and I have a weird mix of nerves and excitement. I'm nervous about what they may say is wrong but excited that we're taking a step towards our long awaited bfp!

So, so far so good this cycle, everything is looking positive so can just sit back, relax and enjoy the run up to ov!

Today is turning into a good day

After the stresses of the last few days the universe seems to be making it up to me! My opks that where meant to turn up two days too late for me to use, turned up yesterday afternoon so I can start using them on Sunday, and hubby has his doctors appointment, and its on the 1st of July so no where near an 8 week wait and to top it off we're heading down to NYC for a fun, sunny weekend! Yay! For once everything seems to be going my way!

Tonight is going to be my first attempt at a fertility friendly, Indian feast, lots of nuts, veg, coconut oil, and other good for you yummy things. I'm quite excited but slightly nervous that it'll all go wrong, but since the universe is being good to me today, I'm sure it'll come out semi well, and if not hubby will still eat it, he'll eat anything bless him! So off to the supermarket to stock up on herbs and spices, wish me luck!

8 Weeks

So, hubby came home last night looking pleased with himself. He'd phoned the doctors, yay!! But he can't have an appointment for 8 weeks, bugger. I was prepared for the 4 week wait, but 8?? What are the doctors doing that would prevent them seeing a patient for 8 weeks? And even worse he doesn't actually have an appointment, just the promise that he should have one. urgh. So looks like we're in for a long wait before we can get his SA done. I don't think hubby understands why I find this so upsetting, he's quite happy to wait the 8 weeks, but for me its yet another hurdle and two months lost, two months where we could of been finding out what the problem is and fixing it.

At least ovulation is getting closer, only 8 days to go, so its time to relax, try to forget about everything that's stressing me out (easier said then done) and just enjoy the process. Although I really don't expect we'll catch this cycle, stranger things have happened.

I Hate Facebook

There's some days you wake up and wonder why the hell your putting yourself though all this heartache. Today is one of those days. Normally I'm full of optimism, it will work, we'll get our BFP (big fat positive), we will get our little bundle of joy. But today everything just seems bleak and my mood is not helped by Facebook. For some reason, as soon as you start trying to procreate, every person you have ever known also tries and beats you to it. At one point in the past year I had no less then 12 people at some stage of pregnancy, and although I was happy for them, the green eyed monster did come out to play. Today when I logged on, just about my entire feed has been taken up with scan/new born/toddler photos and multiple status updates relating to pregnancy, ugh, I've had enough of this now, I officially HATE Facebook.

Hubby is also not helping my mood today, guess what? He didn't phone the doctors, big surprise, his wussy side took over so he 'forgot' to phone. Lets see if the big sad eyes I gave him this morning help keep it fresh in his memory.

Doctors

I've given hubby a mission today, I've supplied him with the phone number of a doctors surgery, the questions to ask (are they taking on new patients and do they take our insurance) and the dates he needs to book his appointment. Normally this would seem like a simple task, one phone call and its sorted, but hubby has quite a strong aversion to doctors, which is understandable, I'm not fond of them myself, so this simple task becomes a much harder one. He knows how important getting an SA is, and he wants one done, he just doesn't want to get the results, which makes things tricky! So I will just have to wait and see if he plucks up the courage to phone them or wusses out like a big....wussy thing (I was never very good at similes!)

On a happy note though, it looks like we may be heading down to The City for the weekend. Hubby came home last night and told me he's been asked to help out with a work thing and asked if I fancied making a weekend of it, um yes!! Silly question really! What would I rather, stay home or go to the big city, staying in a fully paid for hotel, eating nice food I don't have to cook, and going round some of the best shops in the world! Although I guess that means I should get on with that large pile of washing so I actually have something to wear in public...   

Project Relaxation

As we get closer to the fun part of the cycle (the only part where we have some sort of say as to what happens) I'm doing my best to keep us both as relaxed as possible. It really shouldn't be that hard, our day to day lives don't contain much stress, we live in a beautiful home and its currently hot and sunny outside. But TTC seems to bring its own stresses, have we done enough? What if it doesn't work this time? Will it ever work? And now we have the added stress of going to the doctors.

For me, I've accepted for awhile that it was going to come down to this, the appointments been made for weeks and I kinda know what to expect, but for hubby (who isn't the best at going to doctors at the best of times) this is a whole new level of terror for him. At the moment he isn't even signed up with a gp so first things first we need to find a doctor who is taking on patients and get him signed up. Then we can get him the all important appointment. Ideally this would be done asap but he's going away for work for two weeks and before then I need him in a calm state of mind for baby making so it looks like his appointment can't be until the end of June. This seems like forever away but its only four weeks, and since I think this may be a long journey, whats four weeks in the grand scheme of things?

So for now its time to concentrate on relaxation, I've been around the house and replaced every scented object with a calming scent, so we now have lavender hand soap, shower gel, room spray, scented plug ins, washing up liquid, deodorant, floor cleaner, as well as some lovely scented candles. It should be impossible to not feel relaxed in our house at the moment! The weather seems to be joining me on my mission as well, who can't help but feel happy when the sun is shinning and the birds are tweeting? Next it'll be time to crack out the relaxation cd's and think happy thoughts, and then see how long it takes hubby to realise anythings changed! 

Cycle 11

So we are now onto cd 2 of cycle 11. Yesterday was a bit of a blow as cycle 10 seemed so promising, me and hubby both got our hopes up, only to have them dashed yet again. But onward and upward, I'm a girl on a mission to get us both relaxed and in the best baby making shape we can be, so for this cycle here's the plan:

 Healthy eating - lots of fruit, veg and nuts, cutting out processed carbs (white bread, pasta etc) and switching to whole grains.

Less DTD (doing the deed) - this may sound strange when you think the more sperm the better, but sperm are meant to be at their best every 3 days so we'll be timing our baby dancing around that.

Men's multi vitamins and macca for hubby - he's been taking the multi vits for awhile now, don't know if they're helping or not but there's no harm in it. The macca is a new addition, it should increase quantity and quality so we'll see if it does anything.

Prenatal vitamins, starflower oil, bee pollen, royal jelly and vit b complex - these are all for me (I know, I rattle when I walk!) the prenatals are important to keep me in good shape for conceiving and carrying our baby, the star flower is only taken up to ovulation and helps with cervical mucus (cm - very important to help those swimmers along). The bee pollen and royal jelly are both meant to help with egg quality, and better eggs are always good, and finally the vit b complex is a good all rounder, helping with ovulation and the luteal  phase (lp).

Preseed - this is a fertility friendly lube that can help make a friendly environment for sperm and help them on their way.

Clear blue advanced digital ovulation predictor kit (opks) - I love these things, they give you a low, high or peak fertility reading to show when's the best time to dtd according to when the eggs going to pop!

Basal body temperature (bbt) charting - I've been doing this since November, you take your temp every morning before you get up and chart it on a website called fertility friend, for the first half of your cycle your temps will be low then when ovulation occurs there will be a temp spike and your bbt will then remain high until the end of your cycle.

And the most important one of all: relaxation - I think we both have been stressing out a little over the last few months, but as we'll soon be in the hands of the doctor its time to take a step back and just relax!

So that's the plan, I don't know if any of it will make a difference but you never know, but for now I'm off to find chocolate, the healthy eating can start tomorrow....   

Welcome to the blog

Welcome to my first blog, I don't expect anyone will ever read this except me but I need to get it all down and maybe one day it'll help someone else going through this.

We have been trying now for a year to start our little family but so far no success, and as I'm sure all couples do when they reach this point, we've started to worry, why isn't it working, whats wrong with us?

Well hopefully soon we'll get some answers, I've got my first drs appointment on the 12th June where I'm sure I'll get poked and prodded, but right now I'll do anything if it will one day help us get our baby.